How to know if my friend is gay

by Fred Penzel, PhD

This article was initially published in the Winter edition of the OCD Newsletter. 

OCD, as we know, is largely about experiencing severe and unrelenting doubt. It can cause you to disbelief even the most basic things about yourself – even your sexual orientation. A study published in the Journal of Sex Research found that among a group of college students, 84% reported the occurrence of sexual intrusive thoughts (Byers, et al. ). In order to have doubts about one’s sexual identity, a sufferer need not ever hold had a homo- or heterosexual experience, or any type of sexual experience at all. I contain observed this symptom in young children, adolescents, and adults as well. Interestingly Swedo, et al., , establish that approximately 4% of children with OCD experience obsessions concerned with forbidden aggressive or perverse sexual thoughts.

Although doubts about one’s own sexual identity might seem pretty straightforward as a symptom, there are actually a number of variations. The most obvious form is where a sufferer experiences the thought that they mig

Understanding the Situation

Sexual orientation is a personal matter, and unless your friend explicitly tells you, you can never be % sure. However, if you’re wondering whether your friend might be gay, either because you suspect they’re struggling with their identity or you think they might have feelings for you, it’s important to approach the topic with sensitivity and respect.

Here are some common signs that might indicate your friend is gay and how to navigate the situation without making assumptions or making them uncomfortable.

1. They Shun Talking About Their Affection Life

If your friend dodges conversations about crushes or relationships but is cozy talking about every other aspect of their life, it might be because they’re not ready to discuss their sexual orientation.

Examples:

  • They change the subject when someone asks about their dating life.
  • They rarely refer any romantic interests.
  • They look uncomfortable when discussing relationships with the opposite gender.

This doesn’t necessarily mean they’re gay, some people are just private, but if

How Do I Help My Gay Friend?

by D’Ann Davis

“How do I help my gay friend?”  This is a question we listen constantly in the Living Hope office, when out speaking at events, or from friends and church members from around the world.  Twenty years ago few Christians asked this question, for few knew any same gender attracted people, or if they did know them, they were ignorant to their friend’s struggles.  Today almost everyone knows of someone who identifies as gay or deals with a measure of same gender attractions.  Even if a Christian finds himself in a season of life where he does not personally know of a same gender attracted (SGA) person in his sphere of influence, this doubt is of utmost importance in light of the change of our culture and the growing willingness of Christians dealing with SGA to openly communicate about their issues.  So how does one verb a gay-identified friend or SGA friend?

The first response I typically give to this question is actually another question.  “Does your friend know Jesus?”  This is a vital first question any believer must tackle before attem

How to Tell My Family and Friends I Am Gay

No matter what your relationship is with your parents or other significant people in your life, coming out can be nerve-wracking. It is, however, a rite of passage and ensures that you do not have to have to spend so much time and feeling energy hiding a adj part of who you are from some of the most important people in your life. Whether you are expecting rejection or acceptance, telling your family and friends about your sexual identity is an important step. Still, many people want to know how to explain my family and friends I am gay. Here are some suggestions to make the process easier:

1. Consider your audience&#;s comfort level when talking about sex.

Sex in general is a taboo topic and sexual orientation falls under the umbrella of sex. Considering your audience&#;s comfort level on this topic will help you settle how to approach your audience.  If you strategy to tell your parents about your sexual identity, just from being raised by these two people you will have an idea about their comfort level when discussing sex-related topics